Just now a colleague of mine showed me an orkut profile of some random ass guy, and I  had to blog about it! No, it’s not one of those ‘I want frandship blah blah’, or some stupid album. It’s a guy who was genuinely confused when orkut asked to fill in his details for the sake of completion.

And he chose to write about his favourite cuisines as well

And I suppose he assumed he was being asked about his ‘cousins’.

I think I’ll have to start another blog if want to capture a lot of stupid people on orkut, and their online profiles

If you think that orkut is the only social networking platform that cannot count, think again!

We’ve all had problems with orkut’s calculations gone wrong with number of friends, scraps, posts in communities. It’s a common error you get when you see when you check a community thread with number of posts, say ’14′, but when you click through, you get only 11.

But facebook has gone a step ahead and has started messing up with dates. You can actually write a wall post in future as well

I went to a person’s profile to wish him ‘happy budday’, but guess what… people had already wished him ‘tomorrow’ and he had replied to them as well. I thought it would be some kind of problem due to time-zone difference, but he’s from India as well, so my theory had to just bite dust then and there.

p.s.: Yes, the birthday dude’s nickname is ‘mausi’.

And yes, wishing people ‘tomorrow’ for their birthday is another thing that really grinds my gears.

Cigarettes in India (and throughout the world) are like religions. Once you are given your brand, you stick with it, live with it, and die for it or rather because of it. I say ‘given’ your brand because just like religion, which one inherits from parents, one is blessed with the cigarette his immediate seniors in college smoked.

So which cigarette is which religion?

1) Wills Navy Cut:

Navy cut is the one cigarette that defines other cigarettes. You compare your cigarette’s length, flavor, kick to its forefather: The navy cut. Which makes the navy cut an equivalent of Judaism. Like Judaism, not many people in today’s world actually are subscribers to navy cut. But those few who are, think they are the real smokers, look down upon other smokers, and know that everyone else is just trying to copy their brand with slight modifications.

2)Marlboro:

The worlds best selling brand of cigarettes! But in India, only elites or snobs smoke Marlboro. Yeah, you guessed it right, Marlboro is Christianity. I’ve heard that people who smoke Marlboro try to convert a lot of people who smoke Gold Flake (see below), but methinks that’s just crazy talk.

3) Gold flake:

The most obvious of them all: Gold Flake is Hinduism. Maximum number of smokers in the country, spread homogeneously everywhere. The people who smoke gold flake think that this one brand was the oldest, much before the navy cuts and marlboros of the world. They usually don’t insult people who smoke other cigarettes, and think that ultimately all smoke lead to the same result. But then, they have immense hatred for people who smoke pot (see below)

4) Marijuana:

Well, you may say that it’s not a cigarette. Yeah I agree, but recent statistics reveal that ~18% of all cigarettes smoked in India are filled with it. Plus, the green colour would make me compare it with Islam. People who smoke pot reveal that it’s kick is above anything which a puny cigarette can provide. They hate people who smoke wills navy cut. And they hate people who smoke Gold Flake, because flakers worship the cigarette packets.

5) Classic ultra milds:

In my opinion, Ultra milds is Buddhism. People who smoke ultra milds are the closest to not smoking anything at all. In fact, some gold flakers who are treated badly (because they smoke Gold flake small) convert to smoke Classic ultra milds. This way, they still get the pleasure of smoking something, but that’s just plain air, honestly speaking.

6)Phantom sweet cigarettes.

It is as much of a cigarette as bald is a hair color, or Atheism a religion. People who smoke these phantom cigarettes are the ones who find the actual smokers funny and wonder what good can be achieved by smoking. The keep their health and sanity intact by not smoking at all, and find all the brands of cigarettes almost equally harmful to health.

So which cigarette do you smoke?

Google is supposed to be the best when it comes to targeted advertising. And as orkut is another product from google, ads on it aren’t supposed to be that off the mark either.

Now, I don’t know where in my orkut profile have I mentioned anything for which I deserve an ad like this one:

Actually forget the targeting, how are these kind of ads even allowed on google?!

Vegetarian dishes have strange names: And paneer is one of those names which people just can’t associate with anything edible. So what do they do? Change it to banner, which is obviously a much more edible vegetarian dish. Don’t believe me? Have a look yourself:

Banner butter masala

And that’s what really grinds my gears!